Satire by Geoffrey Churchman

Prophet“The beach at Paraparaumu is accreting, but not fast enough,” said Gurunathan, the Prophet of the Kapiti Coast to a gathering of his Sahabah on Thursday. “We cannot wait many years for the seawater to be replaced with sand, we must all go to the Island now.”

“There must be a grand temple to reflect the spiritual importance of the Island,” said Gurunathan. “Its fame has spread around the world.  Once we have our temple, people will make the pilgrimage from many countries to see it.  It may even eclipse the Palais de Versailles and the Taj Mahal as the place to visit in one’s lifetime.” He added, “There is a story about someone once swimming three miles between the mainland and the Island, but pilgrims no longer need to swim, we have waka now.”

By majority vote the Sahabah approved the building of a temple to be a place of embarkation for the sacred journey to the Island.

A member of the Sahabah, Hollowborrow, said the many disciples of Gurunathan on the Kapiti Coast will gladly pay the costs of building and then operating the temple.  “The people love their Prophet; their contribution of 86 Dinars each is a small sacrifice for them to make. And when the tens of thousands, if not millions, of pilgrims arrive every year who will each pay 22 Dinars to enter the temple, we should be in annual surplus.”

“Even if they are not spiritual people, there are tourists who will want to see the manu that are rarely seen on the mainland,” said Bushel, another member of the Sahabah. But she rejected the widely held belief that there are arewhana to be seen, whether white or any other colour.

Waikanae sunset towards Kapiti Island