Wellbeing in Jacindaland: a bedtime ditty for white children.

Darling readers, 

Kia ora,

February already and have a wonderful Waitangi Day.  Over a rather lengthy vacation–as you may very well comment–a somewhat excessive hibernation, I have been reading New Zealand’s, oops, sorry, Aoteoroa’s leading political commentors and journalism of that ilk. I was so lucky to strike the brilliant history lesson given by Jacinda’s person Number 1 person on Race — Commissioner Foon.

In an article published in the Listener on 19 December — as a Christmas present for all the liberal pakeha subscribers to that great publication — Mr Foon spoke. And he told us of the wicked evils and sinful mature of the Pakeha heritage in Aoteoroa.  This is what he enlightened the liberal pakeha about. He was questioned:

“Q: Genocide is a strong term — it is a crime in international law. Do you support Debbie Ngawera-Parker’s claim? [Moon’s Answer]: Genocide did happen. When you take peoples land, burn their houses and marae, suppress their culture and kill women and children.., yeah, absolutely, it is a deliberate act of the Crown…

Not only that, Mr Foon said there was a NZ Holocaust — the mass extermination by the British of Maori. All Aoteoroans must know and acknowledge their whakapapa. Jacinda is making Te Reo compulsory — good on her. Being a strident member of her team of 5 million I have done my bit in advancing Te Reo and the need to respect ancestors. This is my poem, to be read at night to every pakeha child, so they understand their tangata whenua.

A little macabre? No more than Roald Dahl. And anyway Jacinda is spending $900 million on mental health wellbeing.  

An Aotearoan White Child’s Ancestral Tale

Dear Children, 

You need to know your Whakapapa.

That is what your Papa and Mama were

And their Papa and Mama. 

This tale tonight

Is for those of you 

Who are white.

Centuries ago your ancestors landed in Aoteoroa

The land of the long white cloud.

And with their arrival caused

The land drowning in endless tears.

The sun disappeared.

The whiteman came

And killed all that he saw

A genocide

According to the Master of Race Relations

“All the land taken

“All houses burned

“Marae obliterated 

“Culture exterminated

“Women children slaughtered

“Like the chickens

“In a tegel chicken farm”.

So, little ones

Sing and chant every day

So the evil that your whakapapa caused

Goes away.

Till the new mourn

“Taniwha bless our ancestors

‘As they rot

‘In the hell

‘Generated in our little minds.

‘And forgive us

‘Forgive us

‘For reading Harry Potter

“And Paddington Bear.

“Innocent no longer can we swear

We did not know it was so”

Tis no excuse

Dear Mr Moon

We accept

Our whakapapa shows

We are the inheritors of genes

That make us perpetually potentially

tyrants of abuse.

No more rugby

No more fun

Until you forgive us



Make our ancestors unspun.  

Loiusa Caroll