Cuddles and Corrie: Tena koe Dear Leader, you wanted to see us.

Dear Leader: Aye, but first let’s hongi. Mmm, that’s good.

Corrie: Would you like a hongi down there?

Dear Leader: Ooh you are awful; but I like you!

Cuddles: Who do us want us to do over for you today, Dear Leader?

Dear Leader: We’ve got to do something about this crime wave, it’s getting embarassing for me and Poto.

Cuddles and Corrie: But we’re busy monitoring your political opponents, Dear Leader. It’s a big job as they’re over half the country now.

Dear Leader: Nonsense, it’s only a small number who have unacceptable views about my government.

Cuddles: Ah, no, it’s a big number.

Dear Leader: But the people who are being robbed and their cars stolen include my supporters. That’s no good. They might not vote for me again.

Cuddles: We don’t have have enough resources to do both, Dear Leader. And you’ve built hardly any houses, let alone gulags to put your opponents in. You need to choose.

Dear Leader: There’s nothing wrong with crime, as long as it only affects people who don’t like me. You must know by now who supports me and who doesn’t.

Cuddles and Corrie: Not quite.

Dear Leader: Well do that urgently, I’ll supply you with all the Public Servants you need, I’ve got tens of thousands of them.

Cuddles: But you’re making so many of them and their contacts stay home if they have a sniffle.

Dear Leader: Look, we have to maintain the Scamdemic, how else can we keep people afraid?

Cuddles: Fear of losing their livelihoods, their homes if they don’t adore you maybe?

Dear Leader: Well just make it look as if you’re doing something, I’ve got lots of propagandists in the media to give that impression.

Cuddles and Corrie: Will do.