from Louisa Carroll

Darlings all, my heart is overflowing with Jacinda’s kindness and well-being. Why? Because I have been privileged to attend the preview of the unveiling of the magnificent Lancia Astura convertible Grandisimo Tourer. This is a perfect replica of a vehicle of that master of Italian style, Benito Mussolini!

As all keen followers of our dearest Guru — leader of all leaders, deviner of all deviners of sea level rise, etc. — will know if you read the Guru Pictorial Times (a.k.a. Kapiti News) il sindaco has been trialing cars from the Southward’s collection on a regular basis. My spies tell me this is the car he has set his heart upon. And what a magnificent sight it will be for all residents of Kapiti  to see him driving around in this superb mare — mare for the mayorality as it were.  Tutt tutt, I hear you old die-hards say, cars are called stallions. Well in Kapiti, such male-centric thinking has been expunged, thank goddesses.

My spies also tell me that this will be electrically driven. You all know about the famous electric rubbish truck that was built for Kapiti a few years ago. Well the same company responsible for that spectacular failure are going to electrify this Lancia Astura convertible Grandisimo Tourer! 

As a mere reporter it is not my position to express opinions. However, on this one occasion I cannot resist the temptation. I suggest a face shot of the Dear PM saying “Kindness, Wellbeing is Here” would mean the Guru Grandisimo Tourer had reached paradisaical perfection, gladdening all our hearts and making Kapiti the Kapital of kindness! What do you think?

All my kindnesses and love, Louisa