by Geoffrey Churchman

An entertaining and instructive reference book from the Kings of Satire

The subtitle ‘How to take your Wokeness to the Next Level by Cancelling Friends, Breaking Windows and Burning it all to the Ground‘ makes clear that this is not just a Wokeism 101 primer for those who want a job in the overwhelmingly Leftist MSM, or get and keep a job in a government department. No, this is a catechism for those who want to be Uber-Wokeists and dedicate their lives to running everybodys else’s!

On page 1 it states “Being woke means waking up to the cause. What cause? Every far-left, radical, communist, Marxist cause you can think of. The entire agenda of the Left.”

It covers quite a bit then. You learn how if you are unhappy with your life, none of your problems are your fault, rather they are all the fault of your oppressors who basically are all people who live contented successful lives.

High on the list is race: Wokeists consider “The most important thing about you is the color of your skin.” If you’re white then you’re a racist oppressor, otherwise you’re not. Race is the replacement of economic class of traditional Marxism. As white people are racist colonisers, segregation is desirable. Being white is the worst skin colour in the Wokeist world and you have original sin from your ancestors who were colonisers so you must indulge in self-loathing to atone for that. Becoming a Wokeist presumably has the same effect.

The other big religion apart from Race nowadays is Climatism and Wokeists attribute Climate Change to a wider range of causes than just Carbon Dioxide: whiteness, capitalism, cow farts, homophobia, low taxes, freedom, hamburgers and the nuclear family are all to blame! The book also explains how Christianity is the greatest enemy of science.

Homophilia is a big aspect of the Wokeist world and LGBTQIA+ is fundamentally important to Wokeists. The more genders there are to recognise the better — and the book gives 3 pages of them. You must ensure LGBTQ etc. people represent 75 percent of all the cast in TV and media, give children access to puberty blockers, allow 12 year old males to compete in drag contests, and abolish all traditional religions except Episcopalian (in Jacindaland that is Anglican). I thought, however, that might upset Muslims, who Wokeists are besotted with in Jacindaland and wear hijabs like Comrade Jacinda even though she is an athiest. You must also accept the lived truth of trans people: “If you’re trans-exclusionary you may as well be a white male Nazi.”

The Chapter “The True Story of American History” while entertaining, isn’t directly relevent to NZ so needs to be replaced with the local Wokeist history which goes something like this:- “until the 19th century, Hippychippyland was the Garden of Eden of the South Pacific. It was populated by superior brown people who were so advanced they had mastered space travel. They were entirely peaceful and spent their time discussing philosophy and science. Then evil white people showed up who stole and plundered and commited genocide time and time again. Bad white people kept good brown people as slaves until Comrade Jacinda took power and made them the feudal overlords.”

But how to punish those who disagree with Wokeism (fascists) if they don’t obey? Well, there is a Chapter devoted to that: “How to Fight Fascism with Violence”. Now, we getting to the real stuff: it’s a bit boring conforming to civilised society depite having chosen some really special pronouns and shaved off half your hair and dyed the other half purple. No, that’s dull. Better is attacking people and burning buildings to the ground! Favourite weapons of Wokeists are bricks, bike locks, concrete milkshakes, cans of soup and molotov cocktails with ‘coexist’ on them — exciting!

But if you’re a pussy when it comes to meaningful violence, then you can try to get people cancelled by creating various kinds of Internet attacks on them — and persuade the MSM to join in.

Needless to say for those who want to take revenge on people they don’t like and so become thoroughly obnoxious, this is an excellent source of ideas. You’ll be able to recognise the inner torment and the techniques MSM journalists, reporters and editors use!

This is a 200-page softback book illustrated with lots of duotone graphics which sells for $20 in the US.