Team: Jacinda (J), Nanaia (N), Andrew (A), Grant (G)
Chaser: The Governess (TG)
Host: Bradley (B)
B: Welcome to The Chase. Can a team of 4 players, who “say” they’ve never met before, work together to win thousands of dollars? I certainly hope so. There’s only one thing standing in their way – The Chaser. The chase is on!
So, let’s meet my team.
J: I’m Jacinda and my friends tell me I’m a natural leader. That’s why I’m in seat 1. My vision is to “reset” the way we govern and, ultimately, influence every sphere of life in Aotearoa, transforming it into the kindest and most caring country on Earth.
N: I’m Nanaia and I also like to be in charge, though I’m more of a steel hand than a velvet glove kinda girl. It was easy to intimidate the rest of my team, so that’s why I’m in seat 2. I specialise in asset stripping and redistribution. Is it possible to have some picture questions, please?
A: I’m Andrew and I used to be in charge… until I realised I wasn’t very good at it. I work in Health and spend huge sums of money for very “little” return. There’s a joke in there for those that know me at home… eh, Mum! Happy to be in any seat at all!
G: I’m Grant and I always wanted to be in seat 4 because I’m a natural gambler and want the big offer. I work in Finance and spend even huger sums than Andrew.
B: And that’s my team. First up, it’s Jacinda! So Jacinda, tell us a bit about yourself.
J: Firstly, I’d like to say Kia Ora from Aotearoa, Bradley.
B: Never heard of it! I love New Zealand though!
J: I live with my daughter and my minor TV celebrity partner, and I successfully juggle motherhood with my career as a Kindness, Well-being & Inclusivity visionary. I work intimately with ALL government departments and specialise in leadership, PR and communications, rarely in that order. I feel strongly that traditional government attributes, like fiscal responsibility and governing largely for the majority, are outdated concepts and need to be replaced by a “new normal”. Through my influential work I aim to transform Aotearoa into a paradise for minorities and…
B: Alright, alright! We ain’t got all night, J. Give it a rest! You sound like one of them party political broadcast thingies. Now, what do you do in your spare time?
J: I enjoy holding mock daily press conferences, answering pre-approved questions, smiling patronisingly and waving my hands around so much I confuse the sign language interpreter.
B: And if you win some money today what would you do with it?
J: I’d donate it to my own charity which I’ve just started – The Kind and Caring Trust – which funds advertisements and billboards of myself smiling and saying ‘Be Kind.’ We already get substantial funding from the government for this vital humanitarian work – eh, Grant? I’ve never met Grant before, by the way.
B: Well, all the best. Are you ready? Your time starts….. now.
The word “democracy” comes from what language?
J: Oh, now it’s vaguely familiar….is it Japanese?
B: Wrong, Greek.
Complete the phrase “Oh, what a tangled web we weave….”
J: eh…”when we want to knit a sleeve”?
B: Wrong, …”when first we practice to deceive”
J: Makes no sense to me but it’s got a nice ring to it.
B: A person from what race first reached the South Pole?
J: I know this…Maori!
B: Wrong, Norwegian.
J: Are you sure about that? Nanaia, didn’t you tell me they were Maori? Not that we’ve ever met before this show.
N: I told you we possibly, almost certainly, may have discovered Antarctica first. I didn’t say we reached the South Pole.
B: And all that yakking means we’ve run out of time. Jacinda you scored $0. You’re definitely NOT a much better player than that. Which Chaser would you like to meet at the table?
J: The Secretary General of the UN, please.
B: You’ve never watched this show before, ‘ave you girl? Right, let’s meet the Chaser! And tonight it’s…. old frosty knickers herself — The Governess!
TG: Well Jacinda, you may be an influential power in government but your general knowledge couldn’t power a 12W light bulb.
J: That’s so kind!
TG: Oh, I can be much kinder than that, believe me!
B: Let’s put some offers on the table.
TG: A low offer of $1000….and a high offer of ….$20,000!
B: Let’s see what the team thinks.
N: Don’t be intimidated….take the middle offer.
A: I’m happy with whatever you choose.
G: Go high!