by Louisa Carroll


It is already three quarters through February. While the time has been flying I have been worrying about our wonderful Jacinda. In our non-binary household we are very much aware of the stresses of Covid life and we have worried that she may have insufficient staff. The result is that I have been having a recurring vision, set in Dickensian London where the Goddess of Goddesses is rushed by carriage to hospital, not a house maid, nursemaid, footperson or ladies-in-waiting to be seen. In the dream all the servants, civil or otherwise died of Covid.

I wakened and emerged from my boudoir into the glorious dawning day. On the driveway lay the Dominion Post. It was dressed in finest plastic wrapping, twinkling, glittering, sparkling. As I bent to pick up the paper I had a sudden flutter in the ganglia, a sure harbinger of good tidings of great joy. 

Low and behold, Jacinda had done herself and the country proud. Catastrophe had been averted. She had her servants! 13,845 new ones gotten between 2017 and 2021.  She now has 61,097 of them!. Plus of course. doctors, nurses, police, prison officers, probation officers, judges, teachers, scientists and 500 journalists supported by the $105 million Journalist Support Fund.

Now, my sources say some are begrudging Jacinda’s extra 13,845 bureaucratic servants. What dastardly ingratitude: 87,000 were saved from horrible Covid deaths.

The Team of Five Million needs to reassure Our Great Leader of its continuing devotion. What about a statue of our most adored Prime Minister surrounded by her new servants. It could rival the monuments erected in the other Hermit Kingdom. Politically it’s a winner. It will be a job creator for sculptors, it would prove supports for Arts and Culture and solve law and order issues as it would occupy the open space outside Parliament leaving no room for protestors and their tents. What an exciting gift from the Team of Five Million!