The Stuffers’ Joel Maxwell, described as “a senior writer with Stuff’s Pou Tiaki team” who for some years was a staff writer for the Kapiti Observer (and actually did quite a good job of it) doesn’t mean to be entertaining, he just writes such weird nonsense that you have to wonder what he smokes. The lastest from him is a piece headed “Rednecks in for surprise when they spot new traffic signs”. Here is how it starts:

Our public square in Aotearoa/New Zealand isn’t actually a square – it’s a set of long lines, intersecting and converging.

It is on our roads that we discover our fellow citizens’ deepest thoughts and feelings.

Now Waka Kotahi has launched consultation on a set of new bilingual traffic signs, which include reo Māori.

There are 94 proposed signs, covering everything from destination signs, to motorway and expressway advisory signs.

It is quaintly charming that this commitment to our indigenous language will happen on our highways – like finding an artery-spangled ‘Hang in there’ kitten poster pinned inside the Thunderdome.

New Zealanders drive like we’re working out some really deep-seated psychological hang-ups while travelling at 80kph-plus in armoured kill-machines.

Parents worry about kids playing that popular online murder game, Fortnite. After driving from Taupō to Ōtaki, I personally think of it as solid licence swot.

Read the rest (if you feel like it)