from the Babylon Bee
Supergirl Unveils New Superpower Of Losing $100 Million In A Single Week
METROPOLIS — The public was once again amazed by one of its heroes in recent days, as Supergirl unveiled a new superpower, showing the awesome ability to lose $100 million in a single week.
In addition to the impressive powers of flight, super strength, nigh-invulnerability, and heat vision, Supergirl debuted her new ability to lose $100 million in a single week over the last seven days in a powerful display across the United States.
“This is something we’ve never seen Superman do,” said Daily Planet photographer Jimmy Olsen. “We knew Supergirl was powerful, but to be able to lose $100 million in a single week? That’s not something many superheroes can accomplish. Batman, Wonder Woman, even the entire Justice League haven’t ever performed such a feat. Green Lantern came close, but no dice. This puts Supergirl in an entirely different category.”
Though often viewed as inferior to Superman, his Kryptonian cousin raised the bar by displaying a power to lose astronomical amounts of money that the Man of Steel has never possessed. “I knew I could eventually show that I’m better than he is at something,” Supergirl told reporters. “Yes, he’s stronger, faster, and more well-liked among the population, but I will forever be able to hold it over him that I can lose far more money in a far shorter amount of time than he could ever imagine. Eat your heart out, Kal-El.”
At publishing time, Supergirl was reportedly preparing to unveil yet another impressive superpower of leaving movie theaters and hitting streaming services faster than a speeding bullet.
Industry analysts project the DC Studios and Warner Bros. film will lose between $100 million and $125 million during its theatrical run. —Eds