by Val Davis

QIULAE… WRONG!

She applied for the job on Seek

WANTED — A GIRL WITH NICE HAIR

We’re looking for a girl as deceitful as Jacinda

If that’s you, then you’re halfway there!

We want to get into parliament

Well, really, we just want power

The plan is to keep our policies vague

So we can change them hour by hour

Don’t worry about the cameras

You don’t have to front up alone

How about Bluetooth earrings

So we can prompt you on the phone?

We’re actually looking for a puppet

The pay will blow you away

YOU just turn up for the Media….

WE tell you what to say

You don’t have to tell ’em what you stand for

Just speak word salad, that’ll be sweet

FFS don’t tell ’em you’re a Communist

Or you’ll never win the seat

Nah, you don’t have to hang around forever

Yeah, you might get some stick

But the Media will back you all the way

Cos you’re a nice lookin’ chick

Yeah, it’s a short term contract

You’ll be out by 2030

By the time the public cottons on…

Too late, we’ve done the dirty!

We’ll have New Zealand in our hands

We just want you as bait

Is that a ‘yes’ then, Qiulae?

Good Girl — High Five — Can’t Wait