Once upon a time in the castles of the Big Wind, also known as Wellington, people called bureaucrats decided they would build a new high speed road through the Kapiti Coast Empire.  “It will be good for your economy,” they told the Emperor.

And so the road was built which they named ‘The Ewy.’

“We no longer need the old road,” the Wellingtonians told the Emperor, “so you can have it.”

“I need a name for my new road,” the Emperor said.

Google Maps in Mountain View, California, looked at the situation and said, “Ah, it is the Main Road, so that is what we shall call it.”

“No!” cried the Emperor, “that is too simple.  Complexity, convolution and confusion is what my Empire is known for.  The more names the road has the better!”

So the Emperor’s minions did consult their history books and came up with seven names for seven sections of the road, which together with Amohia and Rimutaka in the town of Paraparaumu, made nine in total.  “Fantastic,” said the Emperor, pleased.

“But your Excellency,” said one of the councilors, whose job it was to provide counsel to the Emperor, “should we not ask the peasants what they think?”

“Oh, very well,” replied the Emperor, annoyed.

So the Emperor’s minions invited the peasants to provide names. And they did.

“Oh dear,” said the councilors to themselves, “the peasants do not like having nine names for the main road.”

One councilor who bravely risked the wrath of the Emperor, proclaimed, “There should be One Name to Rule Them All.  I propose the Kapiti Coast Highway.”  This despite the little problem that the coast was not visible from any part of it.

Even so, that makes sense, thought the peasants.

But this was not the land of sense.

The full version

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