Satire from the BFD

A cult must have a charismatic leader, and the wildly popular Jacinda Ardern is ours. Our Great Leader, the source of all Power and Authority, is dispensing myriads of rules for devotees to demonstrate their allegiance, regardless of how confusing, unscientific and unlawful the rules appear to be.

This week Auckland’s longest lockdown yet was boosted by a bunch of new rules for Level 3. It was a masterful sleight of hand not to tinker with the existing Covid lockdown levels and instead present the new rules as steps on a roadmap back to freedom. Even better, very few people actually understood them: 93% of respondents to the TV3 AM show question “Do you understand the roadmap?” admitted that they could not make sense of it.

The road map was a smokescreen to hide the demise of Our Great Leader’s “we will lead the world” elimination strategy without losing face. She has learned more from President Xi than she will ever care to admit. Rest assured, we are in excellent hands.

Rabbiting on about the science is quite unnecessary as the science is inconsequential and people should pull their heads in. Of course, mask-wearing doesn’t stop Covid transmission. Its value is the public demonstration of Covid Cult membership and dedication to Our Great Leader.

Early in 2020 masks were considered ineffective, but in August 2020 Our Great Leader mandated them and limited social gatherings under the new Covid Level 2.5. Covid Cult followers should focus on complying with the rules and stop dissecting the content which Our Great Leader has well and truly in hand on our behalf. A little gratitude would be nice.

Novices to the Covid Cult must disconnect their wildly screaming bullshit monitors during Our Great Leader’s daily edicts. Until they start trusting in the podium of truth their chances of graduating as fully-fledged Covid Cult members are slim indeed, and pose a threat to the success of Our Great Leader.

South Islanders failing to acknowledge the wisdom of Level 2 Covid lockdown should stop constantly whining about not seeing a COVID case in over a year.

Rebellious owners and workers in the hospitality and retail sectors must focus on the power of the Covid Cult and stop nitpicking every last little detail of the new rules. Take a leaf out of the media’s book you reprobates, and just do what Our Great Leader dictates.

(Photo / NZ Herald)

Early Childhood Council CEO Sue Kurtovich is this week’s example of what not to do. She complained about the lack of notice on Monday when Our Great Leader instructed early childhood centres to reopen on Wednesday to more children. Kurtovich needs to suck it up and pull her early childhood centres back into line.

Our Great Leader has excellent skills in micromanaging, for which we are grateful. This week she did not disappoint; with the arrival of the warmer summer weather, she dictated we must socialise outside, saying “if you haven’t got a good bladder you should stay home”. This is excellent advice, and you can be sure she sternly ordered the Sars-Cov2 virus to remain indoors to keep us safe.

There were murmurs of dissatisfaction from the retail sector, who asked when they can reopen. Stupid people! Devotees will recognise that Our Great Leader dropped a thundering clue the previous week when she told youth they will not be deprived of this year’s summer music festivals. These grumblers need to sit tight and wait patiently for their redemption.

Our Great Leader’s favourite people are kindergarten and school children, who unfortunately can’t vote yet, but that’s just a matter of time. They are being groomed for membership in the Covid Cult, and dropping the voting age is high up on her to-do list to get them there quicker.

Vaccination is the Holy Grail of the Covid Cult, and this week’s example of exemplary behaviour displayed by a Covid Cult devotee shows how to use a position of power for the good of the many. It is an excellent example of successfully exerting pressure on anti-vaxxers.

“Today my daughter’s long awaited specialist, appointment for her MRI for her spine injury came. After how long waiting for it.

Besides the lady been blatantly rude, she asked her if she was ‘vaccinated’?

My daughter said no, the lady said why, my daughter said because I don’t have to. Then she said, ‘well sorry can’t help you… you have to find somewhere else’ and hung up.

This is a big hospital in Auckland. I didn’t know the ‘unvaccinated’ don’t get health care now.”

We must remember that our fight is not against the virus, it is against the dissenters of the Covid Cult who work against us.

The following example is a Covid Cult devotee who failed in his mission to get this employee dismissed. He did not exert enough force on the anti-vaxxer but did succeed in setting an example to other tardy recalcitrants.

“Today I was upset because a guy followed through on his threat to report me to my place of work regarding my comment on a voices of freedom Instagram page. Now my manager and the HR have received an official complaint along with a screenshot of my comment. In respect to my stance on my body my choice. He removed his threat from the post after reporting..? now they know my private opinion. EDIT: my job position is completely fine. I was upset at having my privacy exposed. Lesson of the day..have no links to place of work. At least now I can be honest at work without finding excuses about why I haven’t had injection.”

We must support companies like Air NZ who refuse to carry the unvaxxed on international flights, and promote businesses, restaurants, bars and events that assist the Covid Cult by banning the unvaxxed.

Educating people is essential to our growth, and media make our job so much easier. We should support them when they promote the Covid Cult rules that counter misinformation. Here are the most important.

  1. Our Great Leader is the last word in Covid Cult rules and must be obeyed without question.
  2. Vaccination is the Holy Grail for the Covid Cult and its team of five million.
  3. People who have natural immunity from Covid-19 infection must get vaccinated.
  4. W.H.O. and Medsafe have not approved Covid-19 treatments including ivermectin and hydroxchloroquine, meaning pursuit of the Holy Grail is our only option.
  5. Pfizer and Merck are working on Covid-19 treatments which W.H.O. and Medsafe will approve in due course.
  6. Vaccination doesn’t kill or harm people, it is safe.
  7. Vaccination stops you catching the virus, spreading it, getting really sick and hospitalised and stops you from dying of Covid-19.

Our Great Leader has set positive examples of enticing people into the Covid Cult by smiling and being very friendly and polite.

Watch and learn from this devotee. (View this on the original article)