from the Babylon Bee

Don’t look now, but your library may have gone Woke! That’s right, the place you used to feel was safe for your kids to read, learn, and get shushed by old ladies could now be a den of indoctrination. The Babylon Bee is here to help you look for some of the most common signs your local library is woke:

  1. You pass seven drag queens on your way to the entrance: Not a good start
  2. The lady behind the counter has a full beard: And not, like, your great-aunt Thelma’s type of beard.
  3. If your kid is white, they beat him with a paddle and say “Haha get out of here whitey!”: Very subtle, but a strong clue it’s gone woke.
  4. The internet blocks harmful, explicit sites like The Daily Wire and The Babylon Bee: You can’t be too careful about poisoning young minds.
  5. They have a monthly “Bring Your Furry Night”: For the boomers out there, this doesn’t mean bring your dog to the library. Trust us.
  6. Every hour the library staff gathers to whack a Ron DeSantis pinata and burn him in effigy: Usually a bad sign.
  7. James And The Giant Peach has been replaced by James And The Irreversible Genital SurgerySpoiler alert: not a happy ending.
  8. There is a stripper pole in the story-time section: Pretty concerning.
  9. There is a strict ban on food, drink, and Kirk Cameron: Oh no!!

If you’ve witnessed any of the red flags listed above, you had better keep an eye on what your kids are bringing home from the library!